Where is the hickey?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My balls are so social today.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
