i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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