Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
