Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I faked an abortion last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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