So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
