Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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