I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
