I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
"it" just moved
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
