i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
