omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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