I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
