just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i now understand why vodka
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
