Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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