How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
