a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
