You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize