he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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