Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
