Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
