I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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