tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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