I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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