found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
