hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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