She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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