Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
