i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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