Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
