you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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