I'm drive I can fine osifer
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
