My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
