He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
