Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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