I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
