Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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