...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
