I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
