Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
BRING THE BAGELS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
