She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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