Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize