Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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