Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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