Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
