i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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