how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
