Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize