drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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