Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
