My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize