can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
