walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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