Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
