there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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