Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
