I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
