Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
