Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
True strength comes from lack of pants
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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