I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
