who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
