i permit you to call me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
