living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
