Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
