Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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