we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
