Cold hands, warm shart.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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