Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
