Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
