i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Couch. On fire.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
